Linda Martin

In the midst of the warm waters of the Atlantic Ocean just east of Puerto Rico near the small island of St. Maarten, Linda Martin relaxes alone on the bow of the pleasure yacht the “Dionysus”, her feet outstretch to the wind. Wiggling her toes and humming along to the music playing on her MP3 player, with nothing on her mind except catching a few more rays, despite the fact that she was started to burn around her blue and white bikini.

Slowly crawling from the cabin, with one hand on the safety lines, Bert Benson finds his way toward Linda. Bert, a college graduate who majored in Art, was underwhelmed by Linda's classic beauty: blue eyes, blond hair, and hourglass figure. Bert could feel Linda's eyes making contact with him behind her lightly tinted designer sunglasses. Her glaze turned to a stare and Bert began to felt uncomfortable. He came to the bow of the boat for a change of view, not for any of her attention. Then he realized that she wasn't looking at him anymore, but over his shoulder.

He would have turned around if he wasn't in such an awkward position; which was made plainly obvious when an extra-large wave rolled under the boat shaking the whole vessel, ringing the mass and fluttering the jib sail. Losing his balance Bert lost his grip on his right hand as he began to rock over and would have gone in the drink if his other hand hadn't been on the safety line. And it was a good thing too, since Captain Dan never got around to that "Man Over Drill". That promise was made before they pass out the "Green Sandwiches".

Bert reflexed on how the Captain Dan was also known as Dan ‘Martini’ Martin for a reason. Two weeks ago Bert was having dinner with him, after tagging along with his father, Orlando Benson, an orthopedic surgeon who just finished doing rounds at a hospital. Dan was an anesthesiologist his father often worked with. Anesthesiologists unlike surgeons don’t choose who they work with and depend on surgeons for their livelihood. Anesthesiologists are usually known to give gifts to surgeons to encourage them to continue to use their services. Dan like most doctors in his field are often more than adequately compensated for the services. Their net incomes can even be higher than a surgeon because they don’t need to pay office rent or employ a large staff. Dan for instance only has one person who works for him part-time out of her own home.

Bert thought it was a grand gesture to be invited to dinner. Upon entering the upscale restaurant that Dan had chosen, Orlando and Bert found Dan, his girlfriend, his daughter Linda and Linda’s boyfriend Mark at the bar drinking. It had appeared that they have been there for a long time, as if they had pitched a tent and set up camp, adding to a considerable bar tab. It took them a moment to shake off the booze and get to their feet without falling over. Forgoing paying their bar tab Dan got the attention of the maitre’d who directed a waitress to led them to a table and Orlando and Bert followed them. Under the assumption that Dan was paying for their meals; Orlando and Bert ordered modest entrées and Orlando limited himself to a glass or maybe two of wine, neither one of them ordered an appetizer or a desert. After the meal the server brought Dan the check. The bill was nearly $1000. Dan offers to pay just $300, told his girlfriend, who made far less than he did working at a local TV cable company to pay $300 and told Orlando that he needs to pay $300. Linda and Mark who both worked were asked to pay nothing. That was a classic Dan.

Later that night Bert told his mother what had transpired that night. Once she heard about Dan’s absurd behavior she proclaimed, “Dan might not be Italian, but he is definitely a cafone.”
Bert’s mother liked to bring up her Italian roots every now and then as if to let everyone else know that she has them. Her maiden name was Zizzo and her family tree goes all the way back to northern Italy. She doesn’t speak Italian fluently, but she can get by. Last summer Bert traveled with her so they could visit her extended family. Bert found the trip to be very enlightening. Later they went to Rome to see the sights and even took a quick stop to Sicily. Bert was sort of surprised that the native speakers didn’t take it too kindly for those that butcher their language. But it was also entertaining at home to observe his mom watching “The Godfather”. Every time a character from the movie said something memorable in Italian she would repeat it, which Bert thought was funny because that is exacted what he would do when he watched “Back To The Future” and “Star Wars”. Bert’s mother rarely used the word “cafone”, which was a slang term that found its way into the American lexicon. When she did say it she almost said it with a wink and a smile. In Italian it was originally a neutral word that meant a poor peasant. Now it has a pejorative meaning of an uncouth, boorish, ill-mannered person.  
"Dad" Linda hollered to the back of the boat. "There is something off the starboard bow."

The little pirate crew of three sat around the deck drinking what they called "Green Sandwiches", which were really aluminum cans of imported beer that just so happened to be colored green. This was the camaraderie that Bert tried to escape for a while, without leaving the boat.

"Shiver me timbers" shouted Captain Dan stumbling to his feet with his drink in hand. He wobbled with his first step forward, not sure how much the alcohol played in that misstep.

"Careful Dan" Sammy called out.

"Yeah," chimed in Orlando, "will you be able steer the boat in your condition" he added with a laugh.

"Arrrgh, a good rum only aids me sea legs," Dan said with a smile and then dropping the pirate talk, continuing so only Sammy and Orlando could hear, "besides the thing is on autopilot." 

Dan looked in the direction his daughter was pointing. He saw something, but he couldn't make out what it was either. It first looked like it was a large buoy, but he knew it couldn't be that. They were too far from any island's coast and the waters here were far too deep. "Shiver me timbers!" Dan exclaimed "Hand me the spyglass there, Sammy"

"Aye Aye captain," Sammy said handing Dan a pair of binoculars.

Adjusting the focus and the magnification he could see a dinghy, only he didn't see anyone in it. Printed on the side of the dinghy in bold red letters was the dinghy's name: "To the Wind".

"All hands hoay. There be a boat out there that we be a'boarding. Prepare to come-about."

Both Linda and Bert backed away from the jib sail ducking and stayed below the main sail.

"Coming-about," shouting Captain Dan, steering the 'Dionysus’' down wind. Linda being a seasoned sailor grabbed the jib sail line and let loose the line. The sail bellowed when it was fully released. Sammy inserted the winch and began to crank the main sail as the boat began to turn down wind.

"Tie down the sails good and tight," shouted Captain Dan even though both Sammy and Linda were way ahead of him. The "Green Sandwiches" were starting to haze the Captian's faculties which were entirely focused outside the 'Dionysus' with the unknown dinghy and his pirate talk.

Orlando had been using the binoculars. He could make out a body inside of the dinghy, "Captain, there appears to be a body inside the dinghy. It doesn't seem to be moving though."

When the 'Dionysus' was within 30 yards of the 'To the Wind' Dan ordered a full come-about, pointing the boat into the wind. "Sammy you are coming with me in our dinghy. Orlando you stay here and take the helm. Keep the boat pointed into the wind."

The Dionysus's dinghy was nameless. Some say a boat with no name carried bad luck, but it was just a dinghy. Most people don’t go around naming their dinghies unless it was something extra special. All the Dionysus’s dinghy had was an outboard motor. When Sammy had released the line anchoring the dinghy to the 'Dionysus' the waves banging into the front of the 'Dionysus' had already pushed them several yards closer to the other dinghy. Snapping the engine on Dan steered the dinghy once around the mystery boat while Sammy sat on the bow of the dinghy. From Sammy's perch he could see a man that was starting to stir about, mostly likely reacting to the noise of the outboard motor. The 'To the Wind' had been taking in a lot of water. An empty plastic cup was splashing near the occupant's head. It looked like there was once some effort to keep the boat afloat by bailing water, but that effort was abandon some time ago. Next to the cup Sammy could see one oar with no sign of its pair.

"Hello. Hello. Are you alright?" Sammy called over to the man. Sammy could hear the man mumble something. "Hello there."

"Yeah. Yeah. I hear you;" the man said, pushing himself off the floor of the boat, "I'm just suffering from a little sunstroke." He looked like he had been in the elements for some time; unwashed and unshaved with the stubble of a three day old beard. But despite his predicament he was quite handsome. His dark brown hair was stylishly cut short and wore quality pair of khaki colored slacks and a decent blue button down shirt.

"My name is Sammy. It looks like you are going to have to come with us. I don't think there is any way to save your boat."

"Hi. I'm Jake," he said rubbing the top of his head. "The sooner I am off this bitch of a boat the better." Picking up a black duffel bag at the stern of the boat.

"What caused all those holes in your boat. If I didn't know any better I would say they were bullet holes"

"Crazy isn't it." Jake said shaking his head, "I didn't see them when I first got on board. Apparently someone's idea of a joke."

"A joke," deadpanned Sammy

"Yeah. I got him last week. I completely underestimated that he would retaliate by drilling holes in the side of my dinghy. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't stiffened the gas out of my tank as well and then sail off in my boat."

"He took your boat?" Sammy said dumbfounded.

"Yeah. The 'Three Sheets'"

Sammy who is easily amused exclaimed, "Very funny. I get it. Your dinghy is 'To the Wind'. Three sheets to the wind. What did you do to him last week."

"I slept with his wife." Jake said with a smile.

Once on board the 'Dionysus' Captian Dan makes the introductions. "You met Sammy. That is Linda, my daughter, over there on the bow and next to her is Bert. Manning the helm here is Orlando, Bert's father. Crew, this is Jake."

"Well I appreciating you all for stopping," Jake adds. "I wish there was some way I could thank you."

"Do you want a green sandwich?" Dan asked.

"Green?" Jake asked completely unaware of their humor, "I will take a beer if you got one to spare."